week nineeen...of the rest of my life, (i'm in the zone!)

Hello Bloggers,
Yes, I did not get around to blogging last week. It's just so busy around here. This will be very short today again due to lack of time.
Things are going very well and I am in the zone! I am finally getting it together and have had 2 good eating weeks.
You may remember that I decided to give up counting points or using any other quick fix method.
I don't think that there is anything really wrong about counting points or other similar methods of weight loss but for me I needed something different and more permanent. I have been struggling with weight issues every day of my life for 35 years, since I was about 7 years old. I had gotten into some bad habits, including using food to control my moods. So, for me, because this is a real problem. I really needed to make a more permanent solution.
So, basically I have just been following my dietitian's advice and been eating nutritious foods, including semi healthy treats and eating the right amount of food. Last week my weight had gone from 101.7kg to 99.9kg and this morning it was 98.9kg.
That's great news. Even better;

• I don't feel like I am on a diet.
• I am not struggling.
• I am not thinking about food all the time and tempted by every fancy piece of food that passes by me.
• I feel normal and my emotions are much more stable when I eat well.
• I am eating a lot of nice, interesting food.
• I feel like this is sustainable
• I feel set free.

Praise God.
Until next week bloggers (and bloggees),
Thanks for reading my blog.

Love Annie.

Week seventeen of the rest of my life.

Helllllooooo bloggers (and blogees)!
I am still here and determined not to have another Monday go by without casting another blog.
It has been two weeks (or is it three?) since I last blogged. I missed one week and then the next week I couldn't get onto the blog spot site. Even today I couldn't get onto the site except through someone else's blog.
Anyway, no time to waste as I have to go out but I just wanted to write to you that I have not been very good at this weight loss thing at all. I am hoping that it will change from today.
I think I have to weigh myself every week as I just can't to seem to stay motivated otherwise. Knowing that I have to weigh in on a weekly basis (and worse, blog about it) does really help me. I wish I was more mature and didn't need this external motivation, but just at the moment, I am not.
So I weighed today (turn away now if it is all too much) and I am now 101.7kg.
In eight weeks I have my annual leave and I have got to make a great inroad into this problem before then.
My last holidays (July 2010) were pretty horrible. I was sick for half of them and I also felt just so horrible as I was carrying all this extra weight. I remember going in to see Mum every day at the nursing home and wearing this horrible purple jacket (that I still wear) and being afraid to take it off because I felt so ugly.
Well I am still afraid to take off my jacket and I still feel so ugly and that is no way to live.
I still have plenty of hope that I don't have to live this way and I know it is very possible for me to lose this weight. I am determined to get there and to not give up.
I will get there.
Thank you for reading my blogs. And special love to my darling K. in Canada who is also reading this my blog.
Love Annie. xxx

week fifteen...of the rest of my life.

Well here I am again, only 5 days late! I haven't posted before now as I have had a migraine which has lasted most of this week. So, I am going to keep this short.
I decided that I am not going to count points any more and just try to lose weight by having a varied healthy diet and eating moderately.
So far so good.

How do I feel?

I feel set free!

More next week.

week forteen...of the rest of my life.

Good Morning Bloggers (and bloggees).
Well, an interesting week. I weighed in yesterday (not today as I have visitors staying with me and I didn't fancy weighing in my usual semi naked state on the scales in the kitchen while they were here!), and I have lost one kg, so am now 98.3kg.
I have had a mixed week. I did OK for a week and then on Wednesday, ate too much of my 'treats' and then seemed to spiral down after that. I had more control this time but then someone at work bought lollies and that undid me for about 3 days. I did eventually regain control though, especially as I felt God reminding me that it was only exactly 72 hours since I started on this downward track and it was very possible to just start eating well again. So, I did and it's all OK now.
Once again it was like a storm to me, as I described in my last post, and when it was over it really was like the storm was over and the sun came out and it is a relief when it is over. (This worries me a bit).
So, I lasted a week, (not 3 weeks) without going off track. My goal now is to last 2 weeks.
Wish me luck,
Annie. xxx

week thirteen...of the rest of my life.

Hi Guys,
Things are a lot better since I last wrote to you. I have got back on track. Writing last week's blog really helped as well as seeing my dietitian. So much of this is about head space and what is going on in the mind and blogging really makes me face it and refocus.
My dietitian gave me a really good booklet called, "12 weeks to a healthier life". The main premise is to "swap it, don't stop it". So, instead of trying to cut out things, just substitute. It's a simple enough idea, and not the first time I have heard it, but it's the thought behind it which really helps me. The booklet also has space for shopping lists, meal and exercise planning as well as short and long term goals

I am realising that I need to find a way to eat which lets me eat enough that I don't feel hungry or that I am depriving myself, but at the same time, is the right amount (and type) of food that allows me to still lose (or in the future, maintain) my weight. It's amazing to think that after almost 43 years of life, I have still not learned how to do that, or even, known that I needed to learn that.
Hmmm.
That's food for thought, right there.

Some other things that my dietitian and I have identified is patterns in my eating.
I have a long time cycle of being able to eat (and enjoy eating) very healthily for about 3 weeks and then for some almost inexplicable reason, just fall into an abyss of unhealthy junk laden eating and then spend the next 3 weeks (or months) trying to get back on track. I really believe that eating in this chaotic way messes with my head in an almost chemical way, making it even more difficult to get back on track. It seems to mess with my emotions and make me think about food way too much and also crave the bad stuff.
I wander around trying to calm the storm with different flavours of smooth and creamy, sweet or savoury, hoping that I will finally eat something that will satisfy me and the storm will be over and I will be able to get back on track. While I am eating all this junk, I am of course not eating any real nutrients and that just makes the situation worse.
Acknowledging this pattern and bringing it out into the open has been really helpful to me, and I feel that it is something that I will be able to overcome.
My dietitian and I came up with some goals which I think will be able to help.

1. Firstly, the emphasis should be on eating healthily and getting nutrients and fuel for our body and not on cutting things out.
2. It's OK not to do things perfectly. If I eat too much on a certain day....so what! (My words, not hers). It's OK. A person who doesn't struggle with food issues will eat too much sometimes, but the difference between them and me is that they don't seem to have a lot of emotion about it and this allows them to get back to eating healthily quite easily. In other words, it doesn't send them into a tail spin or cycle of unhealthy eating.
3. It's important to plan meals but then just let it go and not over think it. It's better not to be thinking constantly about food.
4. I need to have a daily treat as well as a larger weekly treat. Yay! That has been an idea that has been very freeing to me. Now I have a fridge full of interesting and yummy food and am definitely having some yummy treats. Every day now I have one of the following, frozen yogurt, custard or chips. On Saturday night I went to a friend's house for dinner and had a lovely healthy meal and then she offered me frozen yogurt for dessert and I was able to say, (quite quaintly, I thought), "no thank you, I have already had my treat today". It was kind of cute. For my weekly treat I have chosen to go to one of my favourite bakeries and have a yeast bun.
5. I also need to try an get past three weeks of healthy eating and not binge at the end of it, as well as trying to work out the triggers for unhealthy eating.

So, that's it really. I'll see how it goes. I think I can beat this and I still haven't given up the dream.
Love Anya.

week twelve...of the rest of my life.

Sigh. Here I am again without any good news to tell you. I am only writing this entry today because I promised myself that I would faithfully blog every week. I was supposed to do this on monday but was so lazy that I did not get to it until today, (Wednesday).
I am not going well. My eating is not good. I don't know what is wrong with me exactly but I do know I have been, up until this week, way too busy.
Then I had 6 days off work due to the easter break. I had hoped that I would be able to use this time to get a grip and start eating better and maybe even get some exercise. No such luck.
 As they say, "They who fail to plan, plan to fail"! I had a vague plan, but did not actually follow through in any way. I think that, for me, I need a detailed plan. What I should have done is go to the shop and get some good healthy food and planned my meals and my exercise.
I have been so busy that when I stopped this weekend, I really stopped. I did not accomplish anything including cleaning my house or gardening, let alone eating well. I was so inert that I am suprised that I did not get a blood clot!
But, on the brighter side, Yesterday God reminded me that today is a new day and a new week and it is possible to start all over again. He kind of gave me this image in my head that it is possible to leave all this behind and begin again. So, I will.
Another good thing is that I have been eating more lentils, beans etc and not depending on processed meat substitutes as much. I have got out my crock pot and been making soups and stews, so that is positive.
I weighed myself today so I could get a base line weight to compare to my next weigh in on Monday; today I was (look away now if you can't bear it)  99.3kg.
So, I need a plan.
Maybe this:

• I think that temporarily I need to go back to my main meal being at the end of the day instead of at breakfast. When I am not eating well, I tend to eat too much in the morning  but then do not have the self discipline to eat lightly at night.
• I need to get some healthy groceries. Probably can do that after work today.
• I need a basic food plan.
• Weighing only once a fortnight is not really working for me as I do better when I can use that weekly weigh in as a motivator. Nevertheless, I will persist with this as my dietician suggested it and I trust her judgement. I can see why it is important. Weighing in too often can make you crazy and is inaccurate anyway due to daily weight fluctuations. More importantly (for me) is that I shouldn't use the weigh in as my primary source of  motivation to stick to my eating plan. I think that my primary motivation should be internal (from me) instead of external. If I can be motivated to stick with healthy eating from something other than a weigh in, then that has got to be a good thing. It seems to me that if I depend on the weigh in then it is so easy to skip that weigh in,  if things are not going well or instead (and this is what I have been doing), becoming to relaxed and eating more because I know I don't have to weigh in for two weeks.
• So, what will my motivating factor be? I could use a long term view of health. That is what it really should be. But I think I need something more short term. What? My clothes fitting well? Feeling good in the morning when I get up? Yes, I think that is what my motivator should be. When I eat well, I can feel it in the morning when I wake up. My abdomen feels good and tighter and I feel kind of clean and healthy.

Yes, that will work I think. If I was just trying to maintain and not lose weight, then I think that this would be something that would motivate me to stay healthy and eat healthily; waking up and feeling that flatter, tighter stomach and feeling lighter, healthier and with more energy. I think that  this is important because whatever tools I use now should also be the tools I am willing to use when I get to my goal weight.
Well,  if you have read down this far, then you are doing well. Thanks for supporting me by reading this.
I wish you also a happy and healthy week. And may we all feel good about our abdomens when we wake up in the morning! :)

Week eleven...of the rest of my life.

A better week in every way. My stress has been high still,  but I am fine.  From now on it should be much better (and actually I am feeling much better now). 
I played in Sabbath School Cradle Roll on Sabbath and with God's tender loving care and tutelage, was able to play (insert drum roll here)...adequately! That's a high aspiration for me!  I felt like shouting for joy and raising a triumphant fist in air, when I had finished. What a relief. Of course I still made many mistakes but it was OK and not a disaster. There were two songs that I didn't attempt and I got someone else to play them for me instead and that was fine.
This is a good example of God's faithfulness that I was able to do this at all.
I weighed in yesterday and have put on about 500g.
 Hmmm, it could be worse. I am pretty much OK with this as my life has been so crazy and (if you squint your eyes and make them blurry),  it is almost maintaining and also  because I really haven't been stress eating (too much), just very disorganized with my meals and not preparing well. I have found that I really do need to plan my meals ahead if I want to do well with this.
So, that's my plan. Keep going and try and have two good weeks in a row. I am going to drag out the slow cooker and that should give me some good food to eat.
It's Easter too, so I have it all planned. I have been hiding a white chocolate Easter egg in the fridge in a brown paper bag for the last few weeks. Brown paper so I can't see it! I plan to eat that on Sunday. I also plan to eat some yummy hot cross buns every day over Easter. I also plan to count these items as part of my points allocation.
I went for a nice ride on my new bike today and went for a walk with Max yesterday which we both enjoyed. Now I have a bike I plan to use it! I am hoping to use it for short trips to the supermarket, Mum etc.
Have a blessed Easter. That's all for now.

Week ten...of the rest of my life.

Hello Bloggers!
Well here I am back again. (It must be Monday).
It's late and I wasn't able to do my usual early morning Monday blog. Better late than never.
My life feels very much in disarray and on  Sabbath I kind of had a mini meltdown. Feel much better now. I am just doing way too much and not having much fun or free time. Sunday was a much better day for me and  I did some fun things like;

• My personal training session (...insert drum roll here)! Once again,  it was great!! I am so loving it.
• Then, I actually went for  a little drive in my cute new car and sat by the river for a half hour and listened to my current fav CD.
• Then I went shopping with a friend and bought a bike! Can you believe it? I can't believe it. It's green and beautiful and I love it. I have called her Abby, to go with my new car named Angus. Abby and Angus.

I have been feeling very stressed, mainly because I am practicing my piano for cradle roll sabbath school around the clock. I played on Sabbath for them and I was spectacularly bad. Worse than last week. This really is trial by fire. I practice every moment I can; before work, at lunch, after work, late into the night. This weekend i have to play at cradle roll by myself, (the last two weeks I was having a trial run). I am very nervous, but I do think that with God's help, I have improved a lot in the last few days. I am getting a grip on it.
The stress is starting to show in my eating habits again. I have not really had a great eating week.
It all really started on Monday when I had two hot cross buns which were not accounted for in my points allocation. Against my better judgement I tried to make up for it by reducing my points the next two days. That is always a bad idea. I vow not to do that again ever. You just spend the whole week chasing your tail. I have had some good days and also some bad days since then. Usually one good and one bad eating day in a repeating pattern.
Today was a bad eating day. It all started when I ate two large cookies which were not accounted for in my points allocation. Does this sound at all familiar? If not; please re-read the above paragraph.
The difference is that I will not try and make up for it tomorrow. So there.

Last thing: I have not weighed in today as I am only weighing in fortnightly as directed by my dietitian. I will weigh in next Monday. Love to you all. xxx PS I heard a nice quote today, "there are no failures, only people who give up".

Week nine...of the rest of my life.

Hello again,
A good week. I weighed in again, (now weighing in only every second week as suggested  by my dietician) and I am now 96.7kg which is down 1.8kg (in two weeks). Praise God. I am very happy with that.
I am feeling much better. My work uniform is much looser and I am into my smaller jeans. I feel like that it is all starting to come together now.
I am trying hard not to stress eat and to remain very focused, just literally taking one day at a time.
My plan for this week is to keep focused and to have another good two weeks before I weigh in again. It is so easy to have one good week and then one bad week and keep see-sawing like that. I am trying to avoid doing that. Kind of like slow torture.
Still not exercising much, I just do not have the time. I have taken Max the Dog for a walk weekly, but I will try to go in the mornings again. Now it is no longer Daylight savings time, it will be lighter.
So, that's my plan: remain focused and walk in the mornings. I will also get to have another personal training session again this Sunday. Looking forward to it.
Love Annie (aka Pooh Bear).

Week eight...of the rest of my life.

Hi Folks,
Well its a different kind of blog this week because I haven't weighed in. I saw my dietician for the first time this week and she suggested that I only weigh in every two weeks instead of weekly, so this blog comes to you today without a weigh in. Sorry!
My week has been pretty good except I am struggling at times. It is hard not to eat to control stress, but it is something I am really working on. It hasn't been a perfect week, but I am soldiering on.
Some good things this week were seeing my dietician and then also (a friend) who is a personal trainer offered to train me. We had a session on Sunday morning and it was so great! I really felt like I was on the biggest loser, except the only difference was that I didn't throw up! I had so much fun, we did some boxing and I loved it! We are going to have a session every two weeks.
I am so sore! (But in a good way). Love Annie. xxx

Week seven...of the rest of my life.

It's Monday and I'm here again.
This week was not so good. I weighed in again and am now 98.3kg which is a GAIN of 1.4kg.
Hmmmm.
Where did I go wrong?
Well, several ways;

1. I started weighing more often than weekly and that seems to mess with my head a bit as weight does fluctuate daily.
2. Then I find myself putting more pressure on myself and then try and cut down on my points which inevitably leads to disaster.
3. I seem to have forgotten that I am supposed to be vegan and that leads to all sorts of temptation. This brings me to point number 4...
4. I had a seminar on Wednesday and the lunch was catered. There were a lot of pastries which are a weakness for me and I ate them even though I could have easily left them as I was not that tempted. I think that I felt entitled to have them as I have not eaten that kind of cafe food for a long time.
5. I ate a bit  too much at the church lunch and even went there with the unrealistic hope of just eating salad.
6. I seem also to have forgotten to have a cooked meal for breakfast and instead I have been eating toast which is not as filling.
7. Instead of leaving my mistakes behind and just moving on, I have been over thinking them and then trying to compensate. Never works.
8. I didn't pray with my friend this week, as I was working.

I have not been completely off track, but enough to mess things up (temporarily).
Some good things I have done this week:

1. I have walked Max the Dog several times.
2. I phoned my friend on Saturday and we prayed on Sunday.
3. On Sunday I ate really well, despite going to a Tupperware party.
4. Today, Monday, I became really stressed as it rained again and some of the streets were flooded again. Most of the day I felt stressed and depressed and I really (and I cannot stress this enough) had the urge to medicate it with food. You will be glad to know that I did not do this.

So, that's it. This week I am really determined to work hard and have a good eating week.
All prayer is gratefully accepted.
Love Annie xxx

Week six of the rest of my life.

Here I am again: I weighed in again and today I am 96.9kg, so that's a loss of 0.6kg which I am happy with. I ate well but did not move much for two days as I was sick at home.
Everything is still going well. I have been tempted much more this week with unhealthy (and unhelpful) foods but have not given in to it.
 More disturbingly,  I have been tempted just in the past 24 to 48 hours to eat and not count it  as part of my points allocation. I realise that this is part of a pattern with me; that I go well for two or three weeks and then for no reason I seem to get the idea in my head that I need to have some sort of blow out or failure. I really haven't had any insight into this behaviour before, but I think God is blessing me with the insight now and also with the realisation that I don't need to do this. So, (Praise God), I haven't done this and so far all is going well still. I am starting to see patterns in my old eating patterns and it seem to me that God is making these patterns very clear to me and reassuring me that I can avoid them.
So that is very good.
I have a big week coming up with dinner out tonight, Wed night bible study (and dinner) and Sabbath lunch at church. I am really going to try and count all my points for all these meals and just not leave it to chance.
I have walked Max the dog twice this week and did a lovely walk along the river today by myself which I loved. Thanks for reading this. It really helps me stay accountable and on track. Love Annie, (perfectly imperfect). xxx

Week five...of the rest of my life.

Hi there!
Well, another week, another weigh in. I am now 97.5kg. That means I lost 1.3kg last week and 4.5kg in total so far. I am now able to wear my old size 16 jeans, (that's a relief, because the only pair I have been able to wear now have a hole in the left knee!).
The amazing thing about this is that it has been effortless! I think the difference is God.
I have a lovely friend who offered to come over and pray with me once a week about this and it has made all the difference. I am also trying to remember to pray about this daily by myself. God is good. He cares about us and our health and as my other lovely friend said last week, "He will not leave you alone in this". This is true.
I have no cravings, am not any hungrier than I usually am,  and am very happy eating this way. I don't feel stressed by this way of eating and am also not needing to constantly think about it or what I am going to eat.
All I am doing is having my main meal for breakfast and then another reasonably large meal at lunch and then a very small meal at night.
So, a typical day would look like this:
Breakfast: eaten later than I used to eat it,  at about 7am; a full meal of whatever I would normally have eaten at night...pasta/vegetarian schnitzel/vege pizza/curry or whatever, all with salad and/or vegetables. I am also counting weight watchers points so I make my breakfast about 10 points, which is a lot. (I can have 25 points in total per day). If I don't have a meal made up ahead of time for breakfast (I'm only human!) I may have cereal AND toast or toast and baked beans and/or fruit. I also start the day with 2 glasses of warm water and then later juice, (just because I like it and it feels like a treat).
Lunch: is lots of salad vegetables and protein like tofu or equivalent. I might have a huge salad or a salad and tofu wrap with a dip spread on it. Then some fruit. Lunch is about 8 points. I could probably have some soup with that also. I plan to make a nice lentil soup tomorrow. Water melon is very good after lunch as is soya yogurt. I try and eat lunch at about 2pm. Because I have had such a large breakfast I am not hungry until then and by having a late lunch then I am not hungry at 3 or 4 pm (when everyone else is at the office). This system of eating really keeps my on the straight and narrow because I don't feel the need to snack. I try and eat enough at meal times so I don't need to snack.
Dinner: is easy, fruit first (about 6pm) and then later on, porridge. YUM.
I could have up to 7 points for dinner but I find that I don't need that many. So that's it. Easy so far.
Praise God.
I have had a few indiscretions: I had a yummy milkshake midweek (not vegan!) and yesterday I ate too much for one meal. I made myself a great vegetarian burger and then decided it was so yummy that I would have another one. Not a good decision. I was so full. (My stomach was round like a beach ball.)
I probably wont do that again in a hurry. I have really noticed that my appetite is much less now which is a relief, because I hate struggling with that. I am learning that if I eat poorly, then i will just pretend it didn't happen and just keep eating well. Unorthodox approach, but those of us who struggle with weight, tend to just lose it if we even go slightly off centre. So, I am trying to just be normal, (a stretch, I know), and just not overthink the bad stuff and just keep going with the good stuff.
I have also only walked Max the Dog once this week. Not from laziness, just busy.
Thanks for reading this. Hope you are still awake. Thanks for your support, Love Annie. xxx

Week four of the rest of my life.

I'm back! I have had  a really good week. I weighed myself this morning and I am now 98.8kg. I was 102kg last week.
Praise God!
All week I kept in my mind that word I used last week that I was lacking in; commitment.  I also added in a new word; responsibility, as in, the only one that can take responsibility for my health, weight, eating is me.
This week I have started counting weight watchers points again, whilst still sticking to my current regieme, (vegan and also having my main meal at breakfast time and progressively smaller meals throughout the day). I found that I just didn't have enought discipline to eat the right amount of food without counting points.
I have also been able to be vegan all of the time except twice, (when a friend bought me some yoghurt covered apricot balls as a gift) and also yesterday, I had the tinyiest sliver of a quiche that I made for Mum, to see if it tasted OK). On Wednesday when I had the yoghurt balls (but I didn't eat them all!), I went over my points allocation, but I was able to not get off track, so that, for me, is a good accomplishment. I just made sure that the next meal was healthy and not too much of it.
I have had a lot of support from my friends, (you know who you all are!!) and I am very grateful to you.
I was talking to one friend about weight issues and I was discussing how God understands why we put on weight. In my case it was mainly a lot to do with stress eating. I think we shouldn't blame ourselves for this anymore or feel shame about it. Everyone has some issue, (I think), and this was just the way I chose to cope with stress. Not a good choice, but I feel God understands. When I said this to my friend, she added, "and He will not leave you alone in this".
God understands but He will not leave us to cope with our messes all alone. Praise God.
My focus for next week is exercise. I have been exercising but sporadically due to lack of time. I have been walking Max, my friend's dog, but only on a day off or before a late shift and not at all last week. My car broke down though, so I have done a few long walks with heavy groceries instead.
This week I want to walk Max more, but also do some walks in the morning by myself. I'll see you next week. God bless.

Week three of the rest of my life.

sigh...here goes....well, I wish I had something brillant to write to you. I weighed myself today and once again I have put on weight: I am now 102.3kg.
I know what my problem is: commitment. I know I have to do this, and it is if every fibre of my being is resisting it. Well...with God's help, I am stronger than "every fibre of my being",
Last night, when I was driving back to the office at work, I did commit myself. So please do not give up reading my blog.
I commit to you that next week I will have good news.
I commit to me that I will spend the next year being commited to losing this excess weight and then maintaining it.
There is some good news this week;

• I am now 100% vegan.
• I am still walking my friend's dog, Max.
• I have had some extra support from my friends which. even just knowing that they want to help, has helped. One friend offered to get together with me weekly and pray about this. My other friend is a dietician and she will see me as one of her clients monthly. So, I really appreciate this help.
• My good friends are reading my blog and are so supportive and that helps so much also.

It is going to be OK. I know that God will help me. He has promised to do all we ask, if it is according to His will.
I am sure that it is not His will that we should be burdened with  excess weight. It is such a distraction from living the life that He wants for us. It is a distraction from us serving Him. I am sure that this is a spiritual battle as well as a physical one.
I can do this.
See you next week. xxx

Week two of the rest of my life.

Hmmm, so I weighed in and believe it or not...I actually put on weight. I don't feel too bad about it actually. I am trying to be gentle with myself. I think this week was more of a transitional week.
My weight today is 101kg., (amazing how much you can put on in a week isn't it?).
I don't feel too bad because even though I have put on weight (not what I really want!), I know I have made some good changes in my life and my diet and I may just need a bit of time to reflect this in my weight. The week before I started this I really overate and sometimes this is not seen in the number until the following week.
So, the good changes I have made in my diet and lifesyle this week:

• The main change is that I became "more vegan". I cut way back on dairy, but still ate eggs. Having said this, I still was not strict enough and I found myself eating cake and cookies, with, of course dairy in them. I have been a bit on a sugar binge this past two weeks because, as some of you will know, I have spent the last six months not having any sugar at all because I was trying to see if sugar was triggering my migraines, (it's not). I did eat about 80% vegan though, and my aim this week is to go 100% vegan for at least this week. The next week I will probably allow myself to have some eggs.
• The other big change is that I am eating my largest meal at breakfast and then having a medium meal for lunch and a very tiny evening meal. This really seems to work for me. I call it the 'adventist way of eating' because it is something that I learned from the vegetarian cooking classes at my church. I like to eat this way because it allows me to go through all the morning without being hungry and needing to snack. This way of eating ( and therefore avoiding  snacking) is quite different from the current model of thought where you are suppossed to eat every 2 to 3 hours to keep your metabolism fired up. Not snacking is also another component of the adventist way of eating. I like it. It annoys me to have to stop and eat just 2 or 3 hours after breakfast. Eating this way means that I can usually not eat until 2pm and I like that. It also causes me to then not need a 3pm snack. The reason why they recommend not snacking has something to do with the release of insulin from the pancreas and also it apparently delays stomach emptying time and food seems to ferment or something. (I might look that up and let you know next week).
• I am eating at least 2 of my 3 meals a day at the dining room table, rather than in front of the TV which is good and 'normal'. That's something I have not been able to do for many  years. Because I live alone, I find that difficult somehow. But I am enjoying it. I put ABC radio on and listen to that whilst I eat and I try to eat slowly.
• I have been for a few walks. Not fast. Next week I will be faster.
• I have started reading a good book which seems to be mainly about the psychology of weight loss, "Weight loss for food lovers: understanding our minds and why we sabotage our weight loss", by Dr. George Blair-West. (Terry white chemists $29.95).  He says that 80% of the population are unable to stick to a weight loss diet, so this means that it is normal to struggle with a traditonal weight loss plan. He says that this makes us feel like failures, not only at weight loss, but also as people,  which, he says,  is tragic as it is normal to find it difficult to stick to a diet. This really rang true for me. As I was saying last week, there is so much shame wrapped around diet and bodies. I need to let the shame go, before I can really deal with this.

So, there you go. Not brillant, but moving in the right direction. My focus this week will to be 100% vegan and to cut back on my portions and fat intake. I aim to be more focused and to walk faster.
I'll see YOU next week. Love annie xxx

The First Day...

...of the rest of my life.
OK here goes. I am just going to spill my guts. I have been thinking of blogging about my weight and eating issues for a while now. Can you bear it? I promised myself that whatever I blog here has to be real and honest and this is part of it.
My eating has always been a huge issue with me and I need to deal with it. I can't keep a blog and ignore something so big in my life. I have always struggled with this and, obviously, am still struggling with it.
I have had varying degrees of success and failure but I have never, ever, given up hope that being a healthy weight is something that is achievable and that also, is something which I am worthy of.
There is so much I could say right now. It is a complex issue.
I guess I am trying to say that I am trying again. It's not that I feel particularly strong at the moment or capable, but I am going to start anyway. If I wait until I am ready, or strong, or motivated or until I feel inspired, then I could wait a long time.
So I am just starting again today. With you. In public.
We are all struggling with something. This is my battle. My battle is not cigarettes, alcohol or sex. It's food. Not just food, but depending on it for strength, as a medication to help me through.
This is my battle but it is not my shame. A good friend taught me not to have shame about this. Shame is not deserved and it is paralysing. Depending on food for strength is not shameful, but it is just a bad decision or, in this case, a series of decisions.
I would like to reverse those decisions.
So I commit to writing about this, on this blog, every Monday for a year. Until 7th February 2012.
I need to work through this. I need to find a way through this. I do believe, and have always believed that I can do this. I have a plan.
This is the plan.
1. I will weigh myself every monday and put the weight on the blog. This is because I need transparency and accountability.
2. I plan for the first month to just eat less and move more.
3. After one month I will reassess. If I have not lost weight, then I will start counting points again (weight watchers), because that is a system that does work well for me.
4. I am, from today, going to be 99% vegan. I will still eat eggs (free range) and I will eat cheese/dairy if I am at someone's house and there is nothing else offered to me. But at home I will be vegan, just because I really do believe it to be the healthiest way to eat for me. Also, because it is the way I really want to eat for the rest of my life. I used to be vegan (for about 3 years) but fell off the wagon a long time ago. I want to be vegan again, but not so strict about it that it makes me so inflexible that I  can't eat at someone else's house.
5. I will be very honest with you about what is going on.
6. I will not be shamed by this.
That's it. Thanks for listening. I will see you in a week.
Oh, I weighed myself today and my weight was: 99.7kg.

'I can do all things through Him which strengthenth me.'

11 Nicknames for my cat that I actually use on a regular basis...

Spookalicious (because he is delicious and nutritous)
Splendiferous Spook
Fuzzy headed boy
Mr Affectionate
Love Bug (that's my favourite name for him)
Handsome
My favourite cat.
"Kat"
My great love
You big Lug
Big Beluga

..and what does he call me?
"human" (or if he is feeling affectionate; 'my human')
or "woman" (no, not really).

Something beautiful, something good...

How to describe my life? Life is very busy. My main focus is my Mum: trying to support her in a very difficult time of her life. She turns 80 on February the 17th and sadly she now lives in a nursing home. I have been caring for her for 4 years now and it has been quite the journey. It's been a very eye opening experience and taught me things about myself and life that I would rather not know! But that's not quite true, I did want to know.
I work full time and I see her everyday and bring meals to her as she hates nursing home food. She loves real food and has always hated things like custard, rice pudding, pasta, meat loaf, savoury mince and all those other things that people of her generation typically like, (and the nursing home serves up). She loves curry. She loves spicey food. I think it is because she has killed off all her tastebuds from cigarette smoking. So, I am kept very busy with Mum.
My new hobby is learning the piano and at the moment I am incredibly busy trying to learn at least 2 songs a week for Cradle Roll Sabbath school class at my church. Even though I can barely play the piano and at the moment I am self taught (but starting lessons in Feb.), -I found myself volunteering to play for sabbath school. I have 24  songs to learn before April. So far I have learned 9. Without God, it would be impossible as it is a bit beyond my abilities at the moment. With Him, (he assures me), it will be Ok.
So my focus is basically Mum, work, piano. When possible I read, walk, garden, cook, sing, listen to ABC radio, love my kat, love my friends and family and watch a good DVD.
Praise God, that I love my life.
There is a little song that goes: "something beautiful, something good,
                                               all my confusion, He understood.
                                               All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife,
                                               but He made something beautiful of my life" 
And He did.

Life with Annie...

Well, here I am in Sunny Mildura. It's Sunday, it's hot and sunny and I have just been persuaded by a friend that I might need to blog! I can't believe it...just a month ago I have just managed to extricate myself from the beguiling clutches of facebook, that great time waster...and now I am starting a blog. Whats wrong with me that I would even choose to do this? I am really over the whole social network/internet thing. Nevertheless, here I am...blogging.
I think it was really that I feel inspired by the blogs of others and I do like to write. I am sure that I don't have anything facinating to say and the older I get, the more sure of that fact I am.
But, here I am.
I have decided that if I am to blog, then I want to do it with honesty, (just what you want on the world wide web!). What I love is talking to women who are not afraid to tell it how it really is. In this world there is too much facade in our  lives and I am very inspired by those women who are not afraid to be vulnerable and depict the truth of their lives.
So I am hoping that I can follow these women's example and be honest and real and unafraid. I do believe that by being real about our lives, it gives others permission to be real also. We don't have to be perfect. In recent years I have decided that I am perfectly imperfect, and that is just fine with me. In fact, you could almost say, it's perfect with me!