The First Day...

...of the rest of my life.
OK here goes. I am just going to spill my guts. I have been thinking of blogging about my weight and eating issues for a while now. Can you bear it? I promised myself that whatever I blog here has to be real and honest and this is part of it.
My eating has always been a huge issue with me and I need to deal with it. I can't keep a blog and ignore something so big in my life. I have always struggled with this and, obviously, am still struggling with it.
I have had varying degrees of success and failure but I have never, ever, given up hope that being a healthy weight is something that is achievable and that also, is something which I am worthy of.
There is so much I could say right now. It is a complex issue.
I guess I am trying to say that I am trying again. It's not that I feel particularly strong at the moment or capable, but I am going to start anyway. If I wait until I am ready, or strong, or motivated or until I feel inspired, then I could wait a long time.
So I am just starting again today. With you. In public.
We are all struggling with something. This is my battle. My battle is not cigarettes, alcohol or sex. It's food. Not just food, but depending on it for strength, as a medication to help me through.
This is my battle but it is not my shame. A good friend taught me not to have shame about this. Shame is not deserved and it is paralysing. Depending on food for strength is not shameful, but it is just a bad decision or, in this case, a series of decisions.
I would like to reverse those decisions.
So I commit to writing about this, on this blog, every Monday for a year. Until 7th February 2012.
I need to work through this. I need to find a way through this. I do believe, and have always believed that I can do this. I have a plan.
This is the plan.
1. I will weigh myself every monday and put the weight on the blog. This is because I need transparency and accountability.
2. I plan for the first month to just eat less and move more.
3. After one month I will reassess. If I have not lost weight, then I will start counting points again (weight watchers), because that is a system that does work well for me.
4. I am, from today, going to be 99% vegan. I will still eat eggs (free range) and I will eat cheese/dairy if I am at someone's house and there is nothing else offered to me. But at home I will be vegan, just because I really do believe it to be the healthiest way to eat for me. Also, because it is the way I really want to eat for the rest of my life. I used to be vegan (for about 3 years) but fell off the wagon a long time ago. I want to be vegan again, but not so strict about it that it makes me so inflexible that I  can't eat at someone else's house.
5. I will be very honest with you about what is going on.
6. I will not be shamed by this.
That's it. Thanks for listening. I will see you in a week.
Oh, I weighed myself today and my weight was: 99.7kg.

'I can do all things through Him which strengthenth me.'