week fifteen...of the rest of my life.

Well here I am again, only 5 days late! I haven't posted before now as I have had a migraine which has lasted most of this week. So, I am going to keep this short.
I decided that I am not going to count points any more and just try to lose weight by having a varied healthy diet and eating moderately.
So far so good.

How do I feel?

I feel set free!

More next week.

week forteen...of the rest of my life.

Good Morning Bloggers (and bloggees).
Well, an interesting week. I weighed in yesterday (not today as I have visitors staying with me and I didn't fancy weighing in my usual semi naked state on the scales in the kitchen while they were here!), and I have lost one kg, so am now 98.3kg.
I have had a mixed week. I did OK for a week and then on Wednesday, ate too much of my 'treats' and then seemed to spiral down after that. I had more control this time but then someone at work bought lollies and that undid me for about 3 days. I did eventually regain control though, especially as I felt God reminding me that it was only exactly 72 hours since I started on this downward track and it was very possible to just start eating well again. So, I did and it's all OK now.
Once again it was like a storm to me, as I described in my last post, and when it was over it really was like the storm was over and the sun came out and it is a relief when it is over. (This worries me a bit).
So, I lasted a week, (not 3 weeks) without going off track. My goal now is to last 2 weeks.
Wish me luck,
Annie. xxx

week thirteen...of the rest of my life.

Hi Guys,
Things are a lot better since I last wrote to you. I have got back on track. Writing last week's blog really helped as well as seeing my dietitian. So much of this is about head space and what is going on in the mind and blogging really makes me face it and refocus.
My dietitian gave me a really good booklet called, "12 weeks to a healthier life". The main premise is to "swap it, don't stop it". So, instead of trying to cut out things, just substitute. It's a simple enough idea, and not the first time I have heard it, but it's the thought behind it which really helps me. The booklet also has space for shopping lists, meal and exercise planning as well as short and long term goals

I am realising that I need to find a way to eat which lets me eat enough that I don't feel hungry or that I am depriving myself, but at the same time, is the right amount (and type) of food that allows me to still lose (or in the future, maintain) my weight. It's amazing to think that after almost 43 years of life, I have still not learned how to do that, or even, known that I needed to learn that.
Hmmm.
That's food for thought, right there.

Some other things that my dietitian and I have identified is patterns in my eating.
I have a long time cycle of being able to eat (and enjoy eating) very healthily for about 3 weeks and then for some almost inexplicable reason, just fall into an abyss of unhealthy junk laden eating and then spend the next 3 weeks (or months) trying to get back on track. I really believe that eating in this chaotic way messes with my head in an almost chemical way, making it even more difficult to get back on track. It seems to mess with my emotions and make me think about food way too much and also crave the bad stuff.
I wander around trying to calm the storm with different flavours of smooth and creamy, sweet or savoury, hoping that I will finally eat something that will satisfy me and the storm will be over and I will be able to get back on track. While I am eating all this junk, I am of course not eating any real nutrients and that just makes the situation worse.
Acknowledging this pattern and bringing it out into the open has been really helpful to me, and I feel that it is something that I will be able to overcome.
My dietitian and I came up with some goals which I think will be able to help.

1. Firstly, the emphasis should be on eating healthily and getting nutrients and fuel for our body and not on cutting things out.
2. It's OK not to do things perfectly. If I eat too much on a certain day....so what! (My words, not hers). It's OK. A person who doesn't struggle with food issues will eat too much sometimes, but the difference between them and me is that they don't seem to have a lot of emotion about it and this allows them to get back to eating healthily quite easily. In other words, it doesn't send them into a tail spin or cycle of unhealthy eating.
3. It's important to plan meals but then just let it go and not over think it. It's better not to be thinking constantly about food.
4. I need to have a daily treat as well as a larger weekly treat. Yay! That has been an idea that has been very freeing to me. Now I have a fridge full of interesting and yummy food and am definitely having some yummy treats. Every day now I have one of the following, frozen yogurt, custard or chips. On Saturday night I went to a friend's house for dinner and had a lovely healthy meal and then she offered me frozen yogurt for dessert and I was able to say, (quite quaintly, I thought), "no thank you, I have already had my treat today". It was kind of cute. For my weekly treat I have chosen to go to one of my favourite bakeries and have a yeast bun.
5. I also need to try an get past three weeks of healthy eating and not binge at the end of it, as well as trying to work out the triggers for unhealthy eating.

So, that's it really. I'll see how it goes. I think I can beat this and I still haven't given up the dream.
Love Anya.