Week four of the rest of my life.

I'm back! I have had  a really good week. I weighed myself this morning and I am now 98.8kg. I was 102kg last week.
Praise God!
All week I kept in my mind that word I used last week that I was lacking in; commitment.  I also added in a new word; responsibility, as in, the only one that can take responsibility for my health, weight, eating is me.
This week I have started counting weight watchers points again, whilst still sticking to my current regieme, (vegan and also having my main meal at breakfast time and progressively smaller meals throughout the day). I found that I just didn't have enought discipline to eat the right amount of food without counting points.
I have also been able to be vegan all of the time except twice, (when a friend bought me some yoghurt covered apricot balls as a gift) and also yesterday, I had the tinyiest sliver of a quiche that I made for Mum, to see if it tasted OK). On Wednesday when I had the yoghurt balls (but I didn't eat them all!), I went over my points allocation, but I was able to not get off track, so that, for me, is a good accomplishment. I just made sure that the next meal was healthy and not too much of it.
I have had a lot of support from my friends, (you know who you all are!!) and I am very grateful to you.
I was talking to one friend about weight issues and I was discussing how God understands why we put on weight. In my case it was mainly a lot to do with stress eating. I think we shouldn't blame ourselves for this anymore or feel shame about it. Everyone has some issue, (I think), and this was just the way I chose to cope with stress. Not a good choice, but I feel God understands. When I said this to my friend, she added, "and He will not leave you alone in this".
God understands but He will not leave us to cope with our messes all alone. Praise God.
My focus for next week is exercise. I have been exercising but sporadically due to lack of time. I have been walking Max, my friend's dog, but only on a day off or before a late shift and not at all last week. My car broke down though, so I have done a few long walks with heavy groceries instead.
This week I want to walk Max more, but also do some walks in the morning by myself. I'll see you next week. God bless.

Week three of the rest of my life.

sigh...here goes....well, I wish I had something brillant to write to you. I weighed myself today and once again I have put on weight: I am now 102.3kg.
I know what my problem is: commitment. I know I have to do this, and it is if every fibre of my being is resisting it. Well...with God's help, I am stronger than "every fibre of my being",
Last night, when I was driving back to the office at work, I did commit myself. So please do not give up reading my blog.
I commit to you that next week I will have good news.
I commit to me that I will spend the next year being commited to losing this excess weight and then maintaining it.
There is some good news this week;

• I am now 100% vegan.
• I am still walking my friend's dog, Max.
• I have had some extra support from my friends which. even just knowing that they want to help, has helped. One friend offered to get together with me weekly and pray about this. My other friend is a dietician and she will see me as one of her clients monthly. So, I really appreciate this help.
• My good friends are reading my blog and are so supportive and that helps so much also.

It is going to be OK. I know that God will help me. He has promised to do all we ask, if it is according to His will.
I am sure that it is not His will that we should be burdened with  excess weight. It is such a distraction from living the life that He wants for us. It is a distraction from us serving Him. I am sure that this is a spiritual battle as well as a physical one.
I can do this.
See you next week. xxx

Week two of the rest of my life.

Hmmm, so I weighed in and believe it or not...I actually put on weight. I don't feel too bad about it actually. I am trying to be gentle with myself. I think this week was more of a transitional week.
My weight today is 101kg., (amazing how much you can put on in a week isn't it?).
I don't feel too bad because even though I have put on weight (not what I really want!), I know I have made some good changes in my life and my diet and I may just need a bit of time to reflect this in my weight. The week before I started this I really overate and sometimes this is not seen in the number until the following week.
So, the good changes I have made in my diet and lifesyle this week:

• The main change is that I became "more vegan". I cut way back on dairy, but still ate eggs. Having said this, I still was not strict enough and I found myself eating cake and cookies, with, of course dairy in them. I have been a bit on a sugar binge this past two weeks because, as some of you will know, I have spent the last six months not having any sugar at all because I was trying to see if sugar was triggering my migraines, (it's not). I did eat about 80% vegan though, and my aim this week is to go 100% vegan for at least this week. The next week I will probably allow myself to have some eggs.
• The other big change is that I am eating my largest meal at breakfast and then having a medium meal for lunch and a very tiny evening meal. This really seems to work for me. I call it the 'adventist way of eating' because it is something that I learned from the vegetarian cooking classes at my church. I like to eat this way because it allows me to go through all the morning without being hungry and needing to snack. This way of eating ( and therefore avoiding  snacking) is quite different from the current model of thought where you are suppossed to eat every 2 to 3 hours to keep your metabolism fired up. Not snacking is also another component of the adventist way of eating. I like it. It annoys me to have to stop and eat just 2 or 3 hours after breakfast. Eating this way means that I can usually not eat until 2pm and I like that. It also causes me to then not need a 3pm snack. The reason why they recommend not snacking has something to do with the release of insulin from the pancreas and also it apparently delays stomach emptying time and food seems to ferment or something. (I might look that up and let you know next week).
• I am eating at least 2 of my 3 meals a day at the dining room table, rather than in front of the TV which is good and 'normal'. That's something I have not been able to do for many  years. Because I live alone, I find that difficult somehow. But I am enjoying it. I put ABC radio on and listen to that whilst I eat and I try to eat slowly.
• I have been for a few walks. Not fast. Next week I will be faster.
• I have started reading a good book which seems to be mainly about the psychology of weight loss, "Weight loss for food lovers: understanding our minds and why we sabotage our weight loss", by Dr. George Blair-West. (Terry white chemists $29.95).  He says that 80% of the population are unable to stick to a weight loss diet, so this means that it is normal to struggle with a traditonal weight loss plan. He says that this makes us feel like failures, not only at weight loss, but also as people,  which, he says,  is tragic as it is normal to find it difficult to stick to a diet. This really rang true for me. As I was saying last week, there is so much shame wrapped around diet and bodies. I need to let the shame go, before I can really deal with this.

So, there you go. Not brillant, but moving in the right direction. My focus this week will to be 100% vegan and to cut back on my portions and fat intake. I aim to be more focused and to walk faster.
I'll see YOU next week. Love annie xxx

The First Day...

...of the rest of my life.
OK here goes. I am just going to spill my guts. I have been thinking of blogging about my weight and eating issues for a while now. Can you bear it? I promised myself that whatever I blog here has to be real and honest and this is part of it.
My eating has always been a huge issue with me and I need to deal with it. I can't keep a blog and ignore something so big in my life. I have always struggled with this and, obviously, am still struggling with it.
I have had varying degrees of success and failure but I have never, ever, given up hope that being a healthy weight is something that is achievable and that also, is something which I am worthy of.
There is so much I could say right now. It is a complex issue.
I guess I am trying to say that I am trying again. It's not that I feel particularly strong at the moment or capable, but I am going to start anyway. If I wait until I am ready, or strong, or motivated or until I feel inspired, then I could wait a long time.
So I am just starting again today. With you. In public.
We are all struggling with something. This is my battle. My battle is not cigarettes, alcohol or sex. It's food. Not just food, but depending on it for strength, as a medication to help me through.
This is my battle but it is not my shame. A good friend taught me not to have shame about this. Shame is not deserved and it is paralysing. Depending on food for strength is not shameful, but it is just a bad decision or, in this case, a series of decisions.
I would like to reverse those decisions.
So I commit to writing about this, on this blog, every Monday for a year. Until 7th February 2012.
I need to work through this. I need to find a way through this. I do believe, and have always believed that I can do this. I have a plan.
This is the plan.
1. I will weigh myself every monday and put the weight on the blog. This is because I need transparency and accountability.
2. I plan for the first month to just eat less and move more.
3. After one month I will reassess. If I have not lost weight, then I will start counting points again (weight watchers), because that is a system that does work well for me.
4. I am, from today, going to be 99% vegan. I will still eat eggs (free range) and I will eat cheese/dairy if I am at someone's house and there is nothing else offered to me. But at home I will be vegan, just because I really do believe it to be the healthiest way to eat for me. Also, because it is the way I really want to eat for the rest of my life. I used to be vegan (for about 3 years) but fell off the wagon a long time ago. I want to be vegan again, but not so strict about it that it makes me so inflexible that I  can't eat at someone else's house.
5. I will be very honest with you about what is going on.
6. I will not be shamed by this.
That's it. Thanks for listening. I will see you in a week.
Oh, I weighed myself today and my weight was: 99.7kg.

'I can do all things through Him which strengthenth me.'