Week ten...of the rest of my life.

Hello Bloggers!
Well here I am back again. (It must be Monday).
It's late and I wasn't able to do my usual early morning Monday blog. Better late than never.
My life feels very much in disarray and on  Sabbath I kind of had a mini meltdown. Feel much better now. I am just doing way too much and not having much fun or free time. Sunday was a much better day for me and  I did some fun things like;

• My personal training session (...insert drum roll here)! Once again,  it was great!! I am so loving it.
• Then, I actually went for  a little drive in my cute new car and sat by the river for a half hour and listened to my current fav CD.
• Then I went shopping with a friend and bought a bike! Can you believe it? I can't believe it. It's green and beautiful and I love it. I have called her Abby, to go with my new car named Angus. Abby and Angus.

I have been feeling very stressed, mainly because I am practicing my piano for cradle roll sabbath school around the clock. I played on Sabbath for them and I was spectacularly bad. Worse than last week. This really is trial by fire. I practice every moment I can; before work, at lunch, after work, late into the night. This weekend i have to play at cradle roll by myself, (the last two weeks I was having a trial run). I am very nervous, but I do think that with God's help, I have improved a lot in the last few days. I am getting a grip on it.
The stress is starting to show in my eating habits again. I have not really had a great eating week.
It all really started on Monday when I had two hot cross buns which were not accounted for in my points allocation. Against my better judgement I tried to make up for it by reducing my points the next two days. That is always a bad idea. I vow not to do that again ever. You just spend the whole week chasing your tail. I have had some good days and also some bad days since then. Usually one good and one bad eating day in a repeating pattern.
Today was a bad eating day. It all started when I ate two large cookies which were not accounted for in my points allocation. Does this sound at all familiar? If not; please re-read the above paragraph.
The difference is that I will not try and make up for it tomorrow. So there.

Last thing: I have not weighed in today as I am only weighing in fortnightly as directed by my dietitian. I will weigh in next Monday. Love to you all. xxx PS I heard a nice quote today, "there are no failures, only people who give up".

Week nine...of the rest of my life.

Hello again,
A good week. I weighed in again, (now weighing in only every second week as suggested  by my dietician) and I am now 96.7kg which is down 1.8kg (in two weeks). Praise God. I am very happy with that.
I am feeling much better. My work uniform is much looser and I am into my smaller jeans. I feel like that it is all starting to come together now.
I am trying hard not to stress eat and to remain very focused, just literally taking one day at a time.
My plan for this week is to keep focused and to have another good two weeks before I weigh in again. It is so easy to have one good week and then one bad week and keep see-sawing like that. I am trying to avoid doing that. Kind of like slow torture.
Still not exercising much, I just do not have the time. I have taken Max the Dog for a walk weekly, but I will try to go in the mornings again. Now it is no longer Daylight savings time, it will be lighter.
So, that's my plan: remain focused and walk in the mornings. I will also get to have another personal training session again this Sunday. Looking forward to it.
Love Annie (aka Pooh Bear).

Week eight...of the rest of my life.

Hi Folks,
Well its a different kind of blog this week because I haven't weighed in. I saw my dietician for the first time this week and she suggested that I only weigh in every two weeks instead of weekly, so this blog comes to you today without a weigh in. Sorry!
My week has been pretty good except I am struggling at times. It is hard not to eat to control stress, but it is something I am really working on. It hasn't been a perfect week, but I am soldiering on.
Some good things this week were seeing my dietician and then also (a friend) who is a personal trainer offered to train me. We had a session on Sunday morning and it was so great! I really felt like I was on the biggest loser, except the only difference was that I didn't throw up! I had so much fun, we did some boxing and I loved it! We are going to have a session every two weeks.
I am so sore! (But in a good way). Love Annie. xxx

Week seven...of the rest of my life.

It's Monday and I'm here again.
This week was not so good. I weighed in again and am now 98.3kg which is a GAIN of 1.4kg.
Hmmmm.
Where did I go wrong?
Well, several ways;

1. I started weighing more often than weekly and that seems to mess with my head a bit as weight does fluctuate daily.
2. Then I find myself putting more pressure on myself and then try and cut down on my points which inevitably leads to disaster.
3. I seem to have forgotten that I am supposed to be vegan and that leads to all sorts of temptation. This brings me to point number 4...
4. I had a seminar on Wednesday and the lunch was catered. There were a lot of pastries which are a weakness for me and I ate them even though I could have easily left them as I was not that tempted. I think that I felt entitled to have them as I have not eaten that kind of cafe food for a long time.
5. I ate a bit  too much at the church lunch and even went there with the unrealistic hope of just eating salad.
6. I seem also to have forgotten to have a cooked meal for breakfast and instead I have been eating toast which is not as filling.
7. Instead of leaving my mistakes behind and just moving on, I have been over thinking them and then trying to compensate. Never works.
8. I didn't pray with my friend this week, as I was working.

I have not been completely off track, but enough to mess things up (temporarily).
Some good things I have done this week:

1. I have walked Max the Dog several times.
2. I phoned my friend on Saturday and we prayed on Sunday.
3. On Sunday I ate really well, despite going to a Tupperware party.
4. Today, Monday, I became really stressed as it rained again and some of the streets were flooded again. Most of the day I felt stressed and depressed and I really (and I cannot stress this enough) had the urge to medicate it with food. You will be glad to know that I did not do this.

So, that's it. This week I am really determined to work hard and have a good eating week.
All prayer is gratefully accepted.
Love Annie xxx

Week six of the rest of my life.

Here I am again: I weighed in again and today I am 96.9kg, so that's a loss of 0.6kg which I am happy with. I ate well but did not move much for two days as I was sick at home.
Everything is still going well. I have been tempted much more this week with unhealthy (and unhelpful) foods but have not given in to it.
 More disturbingly,  I have been tempted just in the past 24 to 48 hours to eat and not count it  as part of my points allocation. I realise that this is part of a pattern with me; that I go well for two or three weeks and then for no reason I seem to get the idea in my head that I need to have some sort of blow out or failure. I really haven't had any insight into this behaviour before, but I think God is blessing me with the insight now and also with the realisation that I don't need to do this. So, (Praise God), I haven't done this and so far all is going well still. I am starting to see patterns in my old eating patterns and it seem to me that God is making these patterns very clear to me and reassuring me that I can avoid them.
So that is very good.
I have a big week coming up with dinner out tonight, Wed night bible study (and dinner) and Sabbath lunch at church. I am really going to try and count all my points for all these meals and just not leave it to chance.
I have walked Max the dog twice this week and did a lovely walk along the river today by myself which I loved. Thanks for reading this. It really helps me stay accountable and on track. Love Annie, (perfectly imperfect). xxx

Week five...of the rest of my life.

Hi there!
Well, another week, another weigh in. I am now 97.5kg. That means I lost 1.3kg last week and 4.5kg in total so far. I am now able to wear my old size 16 jeans, (that's a relief, because the only pair I have been able to wear now have a hole in the left knee!).
The amazing thing about this is that it has been effortless! I think the difference is God.
I have a lovely friend who offered to come over and pray with me once a week about this and it has made all the difference. I am also trying to remember to pray about this daily by myself. God is good. He cares about us and our health and as my other lovely friend said last week, "He will not leave you alone in this". This is true.
I have no cravings, am not any hungrier than I usually am,  and am very happy eating this way. I don't feel stressed by this way of eating and am also not needing to constantly think about it or what I am going to eat.
All I am doing is having my main meal for breakfast and then another reasonably large meal at lunch and then a very small meal at night.
So, a typical day would look like this:
Breakfast: eaten later than I used to eat it,  at about 7am; a full meal of whatever I would normally have eaten at night...pasta/vegetarian schnitzel/vege pizza/curry or whatever, all with salad and/or vegetables. I am also counting weight watchers points so I make my breakfast about 10 points, which is a lot. (I can have 25 points in total per day). If I don't have a meal made up ahead of time for breakfast (I'm only human!) I may have cereal AND toast or toast and baked beans and/or fruit. I also start the day with 2 glasses of warm water and then later juice, (just because I like it and it feels like a treat).
Lunch: is lots of salad vegetables and protein like tofu or equivalent. I might have a huge salad or a salad and tofu wrap with a dip spread on it. Then some fruit. Lunch is about 8 points. I could probably have some soup with that also. I plan to make a nice lentil soup tomorrow. Water melon is very good after lunch as is soya yogurt. I try and eat lunch at about 2pm. Because I have had such a large breakfast I am not hungry until then and by having a late lunch then I am not hungry at 3 or 4 pm (when everyone else is at the office). This system of eating really keeps my on the straight and narrow because I don't feel the need to snack. I try and eat enough at meal times so I don't need to snack.
Dinner: is easy, fruit first (about 6pm) and then later on, porridge. YUM.
I could have up to 7 points for dinner but I find that I don't need that many. So that's it. Easy so far.
Praise God.
I have had a few indiscretions: I had a yummy milkshake midweek (not vegan!) and yesterday I ate too much for one meal. I made myself a great vegetarian burger and then decided it was so yummy that I would have another one. Not a good decision. I was so full. (My stomach was round like a beach ball.)
I probably wont do that again in a hurry. I have really noticed that my appetite is much less now which is a relief, because I hate struggling with that. I am learning that if I eat poorly, then i will just pretend it didn't happen and just keep eating well. Unorthodox approach, but those of us who struggle with weight, tend to just lose it if we even go slightly off centre. So, I am trying to just be normal, (a stretch, I know), and just not overthink the bad stuff and just keep going with the good stuff.
I have also only walked Max the Dog once this week. Not from laziness, just busy.
Thanks for reading this. Hope you are still awake. Thanks for your support, Love Annie. xxx

Week four of the rest of my life.

I'm back! I have had  a really good week. I weighed myself this morning and I am now 98.8kg. I was 102kg last week.
Praise God!
All week I kept in my mind that word I used last week that I was lacking in; commitment.  I also added in a new word; responsibility, as in, the only one that can take responsibility for my health, weight, eating is me.
This week I have started counting weight watchers points again, whilst still sticking to my current regieme, (vegan and also having my main meal at breakfast time and progressively smaller meals throughout the day). I found that I just didn't have enought discipline to eat the right amount of food without counting points.
I have also been able to be vegan all of the time except twice, (when a friend bought me some yoghurt covered apricot balls as a gift) and also yesterday, I had the tinyiest sliver of a quiche that I made for Mum, to see if it tasted OK). On Wednesday when I had the yoghurt balls (but I didn't eat them all!), I went over my points allocation, but I was able to not get off track, so that, for me, is a good accomplishment. I just made sure that the next meal was healthy and not too much of it.
I have had a lot of support from my friends, (you know who you all are!!) and I am very grateful to you.
I was talking to one friend about weight issues and I was discussing how God understands why we put on weight. In my case it was mainly a lot to do with stress eating. I think we shouldn't blame ourselves for this anymore or feel shame about it. Everyone has some issue, (I think), and this was just the way I chose to cope with stress. Not a good choice, but I feel God understands. When I said this to my friend, she added, "and He will not leave you alone in this".
God understands but He will not leave us to cope with our messes all alone. Praise God.
My focus for next week is exercise. I have been exercising but sporadically due to lack of time. I have been walking Max, my friend's dog, but only on a day off or before a late shift and not at all last week. My car broke down though, so I have done a few long walks with heavy groceries instead.
This week I want to walk Max more, but also do some walks in the morning by myself. I'll see you next week. God bless.